With Every Gay Beat Of My Heart
by heartattackkkkk
Summary: Cartman realizes his true gay feelings for Kyle after his mother gives him an iPhone. It had been a while since he had any connection to the Internet, since the boys had broken all of his stuff from thinking he was Skankhunt42, and he realized that was when he actually had no common interests with Heidi at all, that they were only together because they were both alone in the world.


Alright. So the thing with Tweek and Craig are over. Yes, I found their relationship cute. No, that doesn't make me gay! It just means I'm not a homophobic like _some_ of you assholes. Honestly, I had no idea why Wendy made her project about teaching us what yaoi was, because lately I've had this sort of...obsession with it. Or maybe I just thought that Tweek and Craig's relationship was cute. I wasn't sure, really.

However, after they broke up, I thought love was the bestest feeling in the world and that it shouldn't ever be broken by two people who love each other! They didn't even work at it! They just broke up! Because Craig was an asshole. I mean, I always knew he was an asshole, but for him to just hurt Tweek like that? The kid already had enough problems as it is! Jesus Christ!

Eh. Whatever. It wasn't my place to deal with it anymore. Yes, maybe the chicks just mostly thought it was cute, but why couldn't a guy think yaoi was cute, too? The art was just incredible! I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it! Damn! What great art! Tweek and Craig looked so confused when they saw it, and almost disgusted, but they were together for a while even if they broke up. Okay, I know I told myself I was gonna stop thinking about it, but...eh, I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. Really.

I wasn't sure how yaoi fans decided which one of us was gay. And Stan seemed...well, confused by the whole thing. I wasn't confused, really. I understood love. I thought he would, too, but maybe not after Wendy gave him the note about breaking up. That, however, was a bitch move of her because you should never send notes if you're going to break up with the person you used to love. That's just not right.

And Kyle may ask what do I know about something that wasn't right, but let me tell you. What wasn't right was them assuming I was Skankhunt42, like I had no ability to better myself. Like I had no ability for anyone to love me. Especially Heidi Turner. But in the end, I wasn't Skankhunt42 as much as I told those guys I wasn't. I honestly thought I was bettering myself, and I honestly thought they believed that I was, but apparently they all still saw me as an asshole.

So did I ever really have any friends? I didn't think so. And so then I was alone. Without Cupid Me. Without the dudes. Well, they were never really my friends, I didn't think... But it was just me. So when Heidi told me to join up with her and have a walk in the park, how could I say no? She was a cool chick. At least I liked her better than Wendy. We were partners in a school project once when I accidentally broke the egg, and for some weird reason, Mr. Garrison let me renew it. Whatever. That was a long time ago.

And what was also a long time ago was the person who I was. And when I finally tried to better myself, Butters didn't like me for changing! What? Did they like it when I was a dick? Did Kyle miss me always making fun of him for being a no-good, stinking Jew? Did Butters miss me for pranking him all the time? WHAT DID THEY WANT FROM ME? WHY DIDN'T THEY THINK I COULD BETTER MYSELF?!

And so the thought was if I should go back to who I was, or just abandon my friends like they abandoned me.

After Heidi kissed me goodbye on the cheek, though, I realized we had nothing in common. I had only gone out with her because we were both alone in the world, without any WIFI connection. Then... when I came home from school one day...

My mom had a present for me. Yes. I had grown up. I wasn't telling my mother to go fuck herself anymore, or saying in the streets and announcing that she had "fucked me" just so I could get what I want. And for some reason, she had a present for me when I came through the door after school one day. I entered, and I wasn't pissed off like I usually was when I came home. I was just...well, I wasn't sure, really. I didn't tell her that she had screwed me over, because it was my friends who had screwed me over and that was why I didn't have my stuff. Why I didn't have my iPad, or my computer, or my phone, or whatever.

"Poopsykins." I was greeted by my mom.

"But...but I thought I had to wait until my birthday. Or Christmas. Or the next holiday to get my stuff back."

"No. You've been a very good boy, so I went out and bought you a new phone! Since your friends broke your stuff from what you told me."

"Huh. Uh, gee, thanks, mom. Y—you even got me an iPhone?" I looked surprised.

"Well, yes, you've been a very good boy lately and I thought you deserved it! Especially since you told me your friends aren't really your friends now, and you should communicate with your girlfriend."

"Uh. Heidi doesn't have a phone or anything, either. She committed suicide by dropping it into the river."

"Oh. Well, here's your new iPhone, Eric!" She said all smiling when it was handed to me.

"Heh. Thanks, mom."

My behavior really had been better, and I was shocked at how much I had changed. Was I going to let myself keep on changing, or should I not bother since my friends had all left me? Or...eh, or I had left them.

That was when I realized, when I got back online, that I had nothing in common with Heidi Turner. At all. And I had to break up with her. I had to break up with her, however, without seeming like I was a bad boyfriend. Because I wasn't. And I had been trying to better myself, and I didn't want Heidi to be scared of me again, because then I would have no one.

And what if Wendy tried to beat me up because she thought I was a bad boyfriend? I couldn't let them see me the way Craig had been viewed when he broke up with Tweek.

Going back online, I realized I couldn't message Heidi since she had dumped her phone into the river. I was going to have to wait until school tomorrow, but I wasn't going to go back to my friends just because my mom had gotten me an iPhone, which was really shocking.

I would see at school tomorrow.

Yes, I would see at school tomorrow.


End file.
